A Few of my Favorite Things

This is a list of just a few things I hope I always remember about the past two weeks-
1. Both the girls LOVE to grab things they have become very accomplished at pulling out tubes but McKenna loves to hold on to my finger. It is the sweetest thing she will flail her arms like she is falling until you give her your finger and then she will grab on and totally relax. I love to feel her sweet little hand wrapped around my finger. It is my small piece of heaven.
2. How small they are. I know I will never remember just how small they are but I wish I could. They are about 4 pounds now and have no fat on them. It is so cute to see their wrinkly, skinny little knees and they don't even have butt cheeks!
3. I love it when they are awake; I can sit there and talk to them and they will just stare up at me. It is moments like this that everything starts to sink in and I realize just how much I love them.
4. Gus wants to always remember how much he loved them from the moment he saw them. He said that his heart was pounding in his chest when he saw them for the first time and never wants to forget that feeling of pure love. When he was finally able to go in and see them my family said he was doing 'victory laps' in between me in the recovery room and the girls in the NICU.
5. How sweet Gus has been this whole time. I called him that fatefull monday morning in tears because of the pain but I didn't want to go to L&D because I didn't want them to just send me home. Thats when we realized it might be back labor and I should probably go to the hospital but he was so sweet and supportive. Then I told him to stay at work and I would keep him updated but he came to the hospital and sat with me all day while they tried to stop my contractions. It was pretty boring but I really apprecaited the company; I was scared. He also cleaned the house while I was at the hospital so I didn't have to come home to a dirty house and he always drives me up to the front of the hospital and than goes and parks the car so I don't have to walk.
6. The smell of the girls. I don't know how to describe it but after we come home from the hospital we can still smell them on our skin and we love it.
Not favorite things I want to remember-
1.Due to my condition they couldn't give me a epidural or spinal block because my red blood cell count was 1/3 of the normal range. I had an emergency c-section under general anesthia which means when I woke up I had no pain medication running through my system. They hooked up the morphine pump but I had to wait for the morphine to kick in. Of the few moments I remember waking up and my mom telling me to breath through the pain. That is the worst pain I have ever felt I think that is my 10 on the pain scale.
2. I went into L&D because I was in so much pain due to back labor and my liver was swollen from the HELLPS. I couldn't time my contractions when I realized it was back labor and by the time I got to L&D I think my contractions were about 3 minutes apart! I want to remember what little of labor I felt. P.S. they did stop my contractions but I was still in so much pain from my liver that is how they found the HELLPS.
3. Leaving our babies in the NICU when we came home was the HARDEST thing we have ever had to do. When you dream of having babies you always take for granted that you will get to take them home with you and we wanted that story book ending too. Anyway when it gets rough in the next few years I know I want to remember how hard I cried and how sad I was to leave them. I know there will be times when I want to take them back to the nursery but I want to remember how hard this month is not having them home with us.