Our one month old little man!

I can't believe my little man is already 5 weeks old. We have made sure that we have had lots of cuddle time on the couch, I am pretty sure we have left a dent in the cushion. This past month has been, let's say, a new experience. There have been some really hard moments where I felt like I wanted to scream like a crazy person instead of sit down and feed him yet again! Don't misunderstand me I love him dearly and it's not that I don't want to take care of him, just the need for some more mental stimulation. This past two weeks my hormones must have leveled out a little and he started gas-smiling, because I became a whole lot more attached to him. Now when I look at him my chest feels like it it is going to burst with so much love. I am so glad he decided it was time to join us here on earth but I fear for the trails he will have to face in this wicked world. I have spent every hour of this past month watching him and learning about him. It's crazy how easily you can devote your entire life to your children with the only reward being a smile. I wish I could say I know exactly why he is crying every time he squawks but I can't. I am still learning, and I remember this part clearly from my girls, as soon as I master a cry or need he changes the game on me. Unfortunately I have to go back to work next week and I know theres no way I will be able to remember exactly how it felt to hold him in the hospital, or what I feel as I rub his fuzzy head while he nurses, I hope I can remember small pieces. I have been working on photo albums of our life so far and it has been great to remember all the fun times with the girls and the fun stages we get to go thru with him. I am so glad we get to have the opportunity to meet this special spirit and guide him thru this mortal life, even if he is colicky every night!

B is for Baby Brother

In church on Sunday the girls were coloring in their coloring books when we found some letters. Kaya and I went through each letter; D is for Daddy etc... When we came to the letter 'B' she asked what B was for, after a pause I said B is for Baby Brother. She turned to Daddy and yelled Daddy B is for Baby Brother! I was slightly embaressed then she points to my tummy and jabbs her little finger at him. We are so excited that come June they will be getting a baby brother. I have noticed a lot of differences with this pregnancy than the girls, I know this is typical esp coming from a twin preg into a singleton and yes, he is the only one there! We made double sure! I just wanted to jot down a few things, I remember with the girls I craved fresh fruits and veggies, which was great except I was pregnant all through winter. Same I still crave them but lately I craved EVERYTHING I see! It has been so hard and embaressing. I just want to eat constantly. I know that some cravings actually mean you are deficient in nutrients so I do indulge but man, if calories were free I wouldn't stop! HE MOVES, and I mean all the time. I think most of it is normal but the girls didn't have this much space so they couldn't move as much as him. I can usually always feel him and I know that I have been a lot more of a whiner this time but sometimes he moves so much I get Braxton Hicks contractions and it kinda hurts. Lately he learned how to do front flips, thats right I am not talking side to side. If I hadn't eat so much ice cream already you could probably see his little body roll across my tummy. He is strong which is really good and as previously mentioned uncomfortable. Big Sister. The girls are actually really excited to have a baby brother. I was afraid Kaya would have a hard time with it simply because she is so attached to me but she lays on my tummy so she can feel him kick her and randomly she will try to poke him. I think that relationship has already defined itself. McKenna is such a nurturer by nature that she is already talking about being my big helper and carrying around her doll which she takes very good care of. I love to see her with rocking it. Nothing gets Baby brother moving like his sisters. Whenever they sit on my lap or cuddle next to me he starts rolling around. It's not even their voice just their mere presence will work. It's kinda humbling. In prep for baby we are getting the girls a bunk bed, very exciting. They decided themselves that McKenna will sleep bottom bunk and Kaya top. We'll see what happens when we get it but I think it's cute that they already picked that out and nobody is fighting for the same bed. We also have to buy another car. The intrigue is just too old and breaking down so maybe a mini van in my future which I don't mind if its easier on my family I'll take it! I hope to be back here more often.

adventures in eating...

a picture is worth a thousand words right?

Elder Burnell's ode to Kaya and McKenna

My little brother sent me this poem; he is on his mission in California. I am totally impressed I didn't know he wrote poems but I thought this was cute.

Two beautiful girls were born today
For which, I shouted "hooray!"
We are so glad to have you here
There is no need to fear
Though the times will get hard
You always have the right card
God and Jesus are on our side
We have no reason to hide
So hold tight to the Iron Rod
Which is the word of God
To know his truth we kneel to pray
And with our answer stay
Close to the prophet and we will stand
As God's servants and make one strong band
Part of the chosen generation you are
Brightly beaming like a shining star
Your good deeds and acts will show
Because you are living what you know
Make us proud and stand for truth
And God will bless you in your youth
Don't forget to share this truth with His children
Because God's kingdom we always need to be buildin'
Remember families are what bring such joy
So find yourself a worthy boy
The temple will be your goal
So live worthy to pay our tole
On this earth we may separate
But in heaven we will be in a perfect state
Patiently we will all wait
Till the whole family is at the gate
So don't for get we always love you
And will be watchin' all you do

ONE MONTH STATS

This is our sweet little Kaya she weighs 5 lbs and 5 oz and is 17 inches long.

This is McKenna at one month she weighs 5 lbs and 11oz, and is 17 inches long too. The only thing they are still struggling with is eating on their own. We still don't have a definite date that we can bring them home but we are praying its soon!

D-Day!!!

I have wanted to write our delivery story down somewhere so we wouldn't forget all the little details. I figured this was a good place because I can't misplace it here...

The week before delivery was a really tough one for me. I was in a lot of pain and could barely sleep. Every night I was taking Tylenol and using a rice pack to even atempt sleep but usually I ended up on the couch so I wouldn't wake Gus with all my tossing and turning. Like I said it was rough, especially Sunday night. Sunday night I was in so much pain that early Monday morning before heading into work I stopped by my chiropractor's office and begged them to help me. They did but I had begun to realize that I might be having back labor. I had been having contractions before this. I knew I was effaced 80%. I figured I would see if my pain got better after getting my back adjusted and than call my doctor. I went into work for an hour and then finally called my doctor. They said it wasn't normal to be in that much pain and scheduled me for an NST later that morning but then called me back and told me that they had decided I should go to Labor and Delivery. I called Gus crying and told him how much pain I was in and that they wanted me to go to Labor and Delivery. I really didn't want to because I was afraid that they would simply send me home and we would have a needless hospital bill. As we discussed our options we realized we had no other choices really. I didn't believe I was really in labor until I began walking from Dr Mueller's to Labor and Delivery and felt about four contractions on my way. Thats when it hit me that this might be real; I started to freak out. I was in so much pain I couldn't feel my contractions starting or stopping and so I hadn't been able to time them unless I put a hand on my stomach and felt for the tightness. After being hooked up on the monitors we realized I was in labor and my contractions were only about 3 minutes apart. I delpt asking the nurse if I was really in labor I couldn't feel anything outside constant pain. They called my doctor, hooked up an IV and gave me some narcotics for the pain. I kept texting Gus to keep him updated, and luckily told him to grab the hospital bag I had packed the day before, on his way to work. My contractions began to slow down after they administered whatever drug stops contractions; I was dilated to a 1 and 1/2. My contractions did stop but I was in so much pain still that the nurse decided to keep me a little bit longer to monitor me. I had thrown up the first narcotic and so they gave me Vicoden. It wasn't long before Gus came to support me and because he couldn't focus at work. We were monitored till about 6 pm that night when Dr Leavitt came to check up on me. Dr Leavitt and the nurse asked if I could go home and I told them if they gave me narcotics than I guess; not knowing another answer to that question. Gus and I began to get ready to leave when Dr Leavitt came back in and said that my blood pressures had been at least 160/110 all day and that he was going to discuss my case with Dr Belfort, one of the Maternal Fetal Medicine doctors from SLC, UT. He quickly came back in and told me that my blood pressures indicated preeclampsia; they would be keeping me over night to run some labs, and they grabbed me dinner. It was about 7 pm now and we called our family to let them know we were at the hospital. Both families said that they would be there sometime soon. Shortly after they drew my blood a couple of nurses came back in and started asking me questions like how much I ate; they also told me that Dr Leavitt was on his way back to the hospital and not to worry if an anesthesiologist came in to talk to me. I tried to get them to tell me my blood results but all they would say is that my nurse would be in. I knew it wasn't good; my parents had just gotten to the hospital and I was scared. My nurse told me my bood work showed that my RBCs were about a 1/3 of the normal amount and my liver and kidney enzymes were very elivated. When I asked what that meant she told me Dr Leavitt would be there in a moment to talk to me. Than the anesthiologist came in and started discussing a cesearn section with me noting that I could not have a spinal block or epidural because of my RBC count. Shortly Dr Leavitt came back and told me that my lab results showed that I had a syndrome called HELLPS. They would be doing surgery and all I can remember thinking was "whats today?" and "am I having them today?". I also knew it was bad because they were doing surgery after I had just eaten so they would put two fingers on my trachea and other measures to keep me from vomitting. They weren't even going to wait for another couple of hours; Bevan was working the ER and he had come but he wouldn't leave my side. Dr Leavitt came back at about 8 pm and I had the girls at 8:41 and 8:42 thats how rushed it was. I remember going into the surgical room by myself and thinking how big and bare the room was. I had everyone swarming around me and telling me what they were going to do. I was afraid because when the anesthiologist told me to count to five I was at 4 and not alseep and I remember thinking "oh no this isn't going to work" than I could feel myself falling. The next thing I remember is trying to wake up and being in so much pain I could barely breathe. I remember someone telling me to 'breathe through the pain' and 'go ahead and hit the button' for my morphine pump. When you have emergency c-section under general you don't have any pain meds in your system until you wake up and hit the morphine pump button. I was in so much pain but Bevan and my mom were at my side calming me down. I asked where Gus was and Bevan told me he was out running 'victory laps'. I guess he came in before my mom and Bevan but I don't remember. Gus had to sit outside the NICU for 45 minutes before he got to see the girls because they both required resusitation. When the door opened for another family to enter the NICU he heard someone shout 'not now we have twins...' and than the door closed. I can't imagine how scared he was. They wheeled me into see the girls before they took me to my room and I was trying to grasp the concept that they were my girls and this was my big delivery moment suppose to be full of love but all I couldn't even stay awake. Later that week I got 3 IV's and 2 units of blood transfused. I think they drew my blood about every 12 hours and checked my relflexes every 4 hours I was at really high risk for seizures.

This is my disease:

HELLP syndrome is a life-threatening obstetric complication usually considered to be a variant of pre-eclampsia. Both conditions occur during the later stages of pregnancy, or sometimes after childbirth.

HELLP is an abbreviation of the main findings:^[1]

• Hemolytic anemia
• Elevated Liver enzymes and
• Low Platelet count

HELLP syndrome occurs in approximately 0.2 to 0.6 percent of all pregnancies.³ In comparison, preeclampsia occurs in 5 to 7 percent of pregnancies.³ Superimposed HELLP syndrome develops in 4 to 12 percent of women with preeclampsia or eclampsia.³ When preeclampsia is not present, diagnosis of the syndrome is often delayed.⁴

McKenna loves her daddy!

This is our sweet little McKenna, the other day Gus was changing her diaper and right after he removed the diaper from under her bum she started pooping! Luckily he had another diaper under her and so he went to finish her diaper change and after he removed the third soiled diaper she peed all over. He had to change her diaper three or four times in a row because she kept soiling the clean ones right after he placed them under her bum; it was hilarious.
The next morning he was changing her diaper again; only this time he didn't put a fresh diaper under the soiled one and as soon as he started wiping her little bum she started pooping! He didn't have the diaper there to catch it and so he had to catch it in his hand with the wipe! I haven't laughed that hard for a long time. It hard to believe something so small and cute could create so much poo but I am grateful she is already keeping dad on his toes! hehe